12/21/05 | Kraft Cheese Crumbles
[ Currently Eating: Pork Chop Rice ]
It takes quite a bit for me to banish a particular product to the Cheap Eats Hall of Shame. In most cases, it’s a combination of factors and not only the price of the item.
In the case of the prophetically named Kraft Cheese Crumbles (as in: that’s the way the cookie crumbles) the thing that put it over the top was the commercial on TV that I just saw. I have NO idea what marketing was thinking when they gave the thumbs up to what must be the WORST butchering of a rewritten – for – commerical song.
The song in question is one-hit wonder EMF’s “Unbelievable”. I find it quite Unbelievable that they decided in the chorus to replace the syllable “Un” with “CRUMB”. Yeah, you’re “Crumbelievable“. I kid you not. They sing this line with gusto, nay with absolute JOY throughout most of the commerical.
I never liked the EMF song that much anyhow… but it’s just the cheesy (pun intended) way that it was mangled in order to get the product word embedded in it that got to me. I have resorted to keeping the remote close by so that I can MUTE the stupid song whenever that commercial comes on. That’s how much it offends. And can you imagine somehow who actually LIKED that song. They’d be out for blood.
Ok, so buffoons that the ad agency that created this commerical may be… what about the actual product itself? Cheese Crumbles. Sounds vaguely appetizing… if it were a chip or cracker. Nope. Kraft Cheese Crumbles are oddly shaped bits and crumbs of cheese. I sort of think of when you’re grating a block of cheese and you always end up with a tiny bit that you don’t want to run through the grater for fear of shredding your fingers. That little bit, to me at least, is a Cheese Crumble. And that’s what’s in the bag.
Ok, so let’s just say I had use for cheese crumbles… say like blue cheese crumbles in a salad. How hard is it to do it yourself? Why would I pay the extra money for the convenience of someone pre-crumbling my cheese. You can just get a block of cheese and do it yourself. I’m not a big fan of pre-shredded cheese in general; it tends to be more dried out and it’s more expensive. Convenience be damned… this is Cheap Eats.
I can’t tell you how the cheese actually tastes (though I do like many other Kraft products) because there’s no way I’m buying these crummy, song-butchering crumbles…
Cheap Eats Score: 1/10
December 22nd, 2005 at 11:57 am
I bought cheese last night for my Christmas Eve lasagna … it was all solid hunks of the stuff, no pre-shredded or crumbling for me!
What else is in the hall of shame?
December 22nd, 2005 at 12:01 pm
Oh, don’t EVEN get me started on the songs they use for commercials these days…….
But yeah, you know they’re just the leftovers from the ends of the other products they market. And somewhere, people are making this shit up and other people are thinking, Man! that is SO COOL! Let’s use it!
Bastards. I wonder how they sleep at night.
December 22nd, 2005 at 12:10 pm
cybele – i really like veggie lasagna, is that the kind you make? Other stuff in the Hall of Shame has included:
L.A. Lobster Festival
Fast Food Tax
Foie Gras
Caviar
December 22nd, 2005 at 12:13 pm
Peggasus – Yeah, there has been some really bad mangling of songs in commercials. I guess I shouldn’t come down too hard on the idea of them reusing leftover cheese as crumbles, because that’s in line with Cheap Eats thinking: use leftovers! Also, I sorta dig Tater Tots which are probably just the ground-up leftover parts from cutting up frozen french fries…
December 22nd, 2005 at 4:37 pm
Hah! Leave it to me to not see the whole category over there on the nav!
I remember the whole Lobster thing … I see a trend here with the hall of shame items.
Lasagna – very traditional – prepared tomato sauce/stewed tomatoes (extra garlic), four cheeses (ricotta, mozzerella, asiago & parmesan) and one egg to hold the cheese together.
My husband will be preparing the roast of … well, we haven’t decided what we’re making for the meat eaters (pork tenderloin or stuffed turkey breast).
No classic songs will be harmed in the production of the meal.
December 22nd, 2005 at 4:57 pm
cybele – yeah I’m not going to lie and say I’m the most environmentally conscious comsumer… but I do think about that kind of stuff especially things that concerns the ocean and waterways. I often feel at odds with Cheap Eating lifestyle and environmental and fair trade issues. It is difficult to practice both. I mean, I try not to get seafood like Orange Roughy, Chilean Seabass… but that mostly works out just because it’s expensive and I usually wouldn’t buy it anyhow.
I have a lot of veggie friends but am a practicing meat-a-tarian myself…
December 22nd, 2005 at 10:56 pm
I HEART PRE-SHREDDED CHEESE!!!
Because I don’t have a cheese grater.
December 23rd, 2005 at 9:23 am
marvo – ok, ok… i don’t mean to be a grater snob. Well, maybe I will send you a grater in the mail sometime then. =)
You don’t like the way the SONG is used in the commercial though, do you?
December 24th, 2005 at 11:43 am
I’ve never seen the commercial. Heck, I haven’t even seen these in the store. Oh well, give it a few months and maybe I will.
December 25th, 2005 at 2:00 pm
I used to buy blocks of cheese until I realized I am far too lazy for that. Plus I like a few cheeses together, so I get the pre-shredded. It seems to last a long time without going bad. Either that or I eat way too much cheese. In any case, I have the cheese crumbles in my fridge and I think they are good. I use them primarily on salads and use shredded cheese for everything else. I haven’t seen that commercial for them and I hope I never do – it sounds awful.
December 25th, 2005 at 4:09 pm
nicole – yeah… the commercial was pretty much the difference between them getting into the Hall of Shame and just getting a lower score than usual. I guess I shouldn’t harp on pre-shredded that much… also shredding the cheese does take a long time. I find it works out your arm muscles though… kill 2 birds with one stone, hey?
January 6th, 2006 at 2:00 am
If you can tink of it, and package it, someone (my daughter?) will buy it!
January 10th, 2006 at 1:21 pm
That is so funny that you mention that song. I just told my brother about how terrible it was the other day. I agree that the product belongs in the Hall Of Shame even if it’s delicious, just because of that STUPID song! How much do you think a person got paid to think of that? And even worse someone got paid to think of selling crumbled cheese! I will admit though i’ve never tried the cheese (because of the comercial).
January 10th, 2006 at 9:18 pm
First of all, these notes about Kraft cheese crumbles are crumbeleivable!!! THAT SONG is sooooo wrong, its just wrong. I cannot believe that executives sat around a table with their lunches from the Kraft service table and actually thought that was a good idea. AND another thing, I cannot believe that EMF went for it. WOW, we think they got paid so good that they did not even care if their song was butchered. When we hear this song on the TV, we could not believe how bad it was and how embarrassed we were for the people who made it. The editors notes are sooooooooo #$^&*$%^#%^ing funny!! We love you whoever you are and would love to have you over to our house for a cheese fest!! oh, and Danna says they put powder in the shredded cheese so it does not become a big shred ball. She knows her cheese. She says she never met a cheese she didn’t like, but this one may be her first.
Please talk to us. oh yeah, and when they make these crumbles?? WHO CUTS THE CHEESE??
January 10th, 2006 at 10:50 pm
Julie – well, I’m not the brightest of bears either… I will buy a lot of stuff on the basis of bad advertising too.
Tanya – it sorta got my wheels turning, I need to find a job like this coming up with song permutations for commercial jingles. Well, I’m sure it’s harder than it sounds because you have to please all the biggiewigs.
Danna and Colleen – your cheese vehemence concerning crumbelievables is so admirable. =) I am a big fan of cheese in general but the “good stuff” often leaves a crumbelievable hole in my wallet which is the reason it doesn’t get reviewed on Cheap Eats as much. My goal is to win the lottery, so I can be like that softspoken winner on the commercial who goes “look at all that cheese I can afford now”…
January 11th, 2006 at 4:51 pm
Editor – thanks so much for the response, your site is quite good and I have put it on my favorites list and will visit often. the fact that you wrote about the song is the reason we found this site and we admire that in you!! Take care and watch out for those bad songs, they can scare the bucheeseus out of you!
January 11th, 2006 at 4:54 pm
Editor, one more thing, I live in Las Vegas, I am not sure if you know about the Golden Gate casino Downtown. It is on Fremont street next to the Plaza hotel. They have a piano bar in the back of the casino, they serve THE BEST shrimp coctail ever, it is only 99 cents and it is huge, you can get a shrimp coctail and a beer on tap, alos listen to the piano player,, it really is the best and cheap too. Hope you can put this on your Vegas list.
January 19th, 2006 at 7:26 am
you guys are way too concerned with cheese. big deal, who cares, its only CRUMBELIEVABLE baby!!!!
August 5th, 2006 at 9:50 am
i CANT STAND THAT COMMERCIAL i THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO HATED THAT SONG EVERY TIME I MENTIONED IT TO SOMEONE THEY JUST SHRUGGED. i BOUGHT CRUMBA WHATEVERS ONLY WITH A COUPON ON SALE.
August 21st, 2006 at 8:03 am
Anybody have a link to the video?
I’ve seen it on TV, but I wanted email my friend who I’ve talked to about this commercial.
August 21st, 2006 at 8:26 am
Found it:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pFjctVBg6K8
December 12th, 2006 at 6:42 pm
what is that recipe for the ooey gooey chicken enchillada on the crumbles commercial????????
February 10th, 2007 at 8:57 pm
When I was a wee kiddie I used to like EMF, Not so much for “Unbelievable” but more for “Girl of an Age”… I also have a long and happy relationship with cheese… But combining the two, to sell me what is essentially a big bag of the disappointing “end bits” of old cheese that most times one just tosses out is really just them saying “Hey Stoopid! You’ll buy anything if we set it to a tune you liked as a kid that we murder! Have a big bag of tiny little “Oh, who ate all the cheese and just left these four little bummer cheese crumbs?” Yes, they’re back! Cheese Crumbs! They bummed you out as a kid with the munchies, and made you learn how to despise your university roomates, but you’ll love the fact that we’ve collected about five thousand of them for ya! Eat up and relive your youth while your figertips get all cheesy and the cheese crumbs roll off your ritz cracker and on to the floor, only to be stolen and consumed by your overweight cat… Now that’s what I call a really great trip down memory lane… Oh and I get to pay for this privilige too? Nice! And now they’ve assulted my ears as well.. Hey thanks Krapt! I did nickname my cheese stealing cat Velveeta though…
March 18th, 2007 at 11:43 pm
Is it worth noting that packaged cheeses cost the same whether they’re in a block, crumbled, roughly grated, or finely grated? At my local grocery store the standard is $2 for 16 oz of Kraft and $1.66 for 16 oz of “Best Choice,” regardless of the form the cheese takes.
July 9th, 2007 at 1:37 pm
We eat crumbles…a bunch. I have a one year old and the crumbles are just the right size for her. They’re small enough to keep her busy while I’m making dinner. Any bigger and she fills up on it and finishes snack too quickly. I know that I could chop up my own crumbles, but that’s one more step. Besides, as the poster above pointed out – they’re all the same price and I can use the crumbles for cooking just as well as the shredded (or other shapes.)
January 11th, 2008 at 1:42 pm
You don’t need to “chop” your own crumbles… all it is is a frozen then thawed block of cheddar.
Have you ever done that? – Frozen cheese when you bought more than you need, then defrosted it then tried to grate it? It won’t grate… it “Crumbles”. : )