I had been planning on posting this during the week to coincide with the upcoming Halloween candy-fest. Things have a way of popping up to spoil all my well laid Cheap Eats plans. Like my car zonking out - long story; we’ll stick to reviewing instead…

Anyhow, I received some samples of Slammers Ultimate Milk by Bravo! Foods Int’l Corp in the mail from Matt the other day. What they’ve done here is packaged up fairly standard chocolate and strawberry flavored milk with some very popular candy brands. Supposedly, these milk drinks are supposed to be shelf stable for 6 months, more healthy than other milk drinks and fairly decent in price.

But the big sell is definitely going to be the candy names. I got Milky Way, 3 Musketeers and Starburst Slammer drinks. Those are three names that most people know about. The actual Slammers logo on the package is quite small, which is probably a smart thing for them… they want to push the big brands.

And I think it might work for a lot of people. The biggest question for me was: do these drinks actually TASTE anything like the candies in question?

I have to admit that my expectations were way too high. After all, it’s a DRINK. Mr. Unreasonable Cheap Eats editor was planning on having a Violet Beauregarde (from Charlie and The Chocolate Factory) gum chewing experience. You know, the one where she chews a piece of gum an experiences a full turkey dinner (? can’t remember if that’s correct).

I was fully expecting to take a swig of Slammers and suddenly have the sensation of actually eating a Milk Way, 3 Musketeers or Starburst. Yeah, I know. Delusional.

I started out with the Milky Way Slammers. These bottles are the larger ones, by the way, at 14 ounces. They also carry a smaller 8 ounce size. The Milky Way one is actually supposed to be reduced fat chocolate milk.

I haven’t had a Milky Way bar in awhile, but I’m pretty sure this is not even close to it. Granted, I was expecting the sensation of drinking a candy bar that’s been put into the blender with some milk. To me, it tastes just like normal light chocolate milk. I’ve got some Nestle Quik in the cupboard, so why bother?

Well, there actually was a hint of the caramel in it that was sort of nice. But I only noticed this afterwards, by swigging from both this bottle and the 3 Musketeers. Indeed, the two are very similar that I could have probably mixed them together.

Above is a shot of the 3 Musketeers Slammers. You’ll notice that it’s darker in color - I’m not entirely sure why that would be, since if anything the contents of a 3 Musketeers bar is lighter in color. Apparently, it’s supposed to highlight the fact that it’s ‘big on chocolate but not on fat.” That’s what the fact sheet said. This Slammers variety has 99% fat free milk.

The taste for this one is similar as I said to the Milky Way one, but without the caramel aftertaste and less of a “nougaty” taste. Call me simpleminded, but both of these drinks are just like chocolate milk to me. Sometimes it reminded me of Yoo Hoo. Of the two, I liked the Milky Way one better.

One thing I forgot to mention. I couldn’t figure out why these both left an aftertaste in my mouth. Then I took a look at the bottle and saw that they are powered by Sucralose. No wonder! I have a hard time with the artificial sweeteners so they moved down a notch further on the review scale.

Compared to the chocolate candy flavors, the Starburst Fruit & Creme Strawberry Smoothie Slammers was amazingly good. First off, this has real sugar in it. It also has two percent fruit juice in it, which doesn’t seem like a lot. Plus, it’s APPLE juice. But at least it’s not zero.

I was completely prepared to be disappointed. I thought this would be just like Strawberry Quik. It certainly looks like it in the picture. But it actually DID taste like eating a handful of Starburst chews. First off, there is a definite refreshing “tang” that hits you right off that’s not in normal Strawberry Milk. It sort of reminds me of some of those Yogurt Drinks. And the texture is also not as “gloopy” as the Milky Way or 3 Musketeers drinks.

I might be a bit biased toward tangy drinks as opposed to sweet ones. But this is still light years better than the other two. The milk taste in here has a pleasant light malty feel to it and the strawberry taste (though artificial) is decent. I might buy this type of drink even if it weren’t labeled as Starburst. It’s like drinking strawberry yogurt.

Wrapping up: I didn’t like the chocolate drinks at all, but the Starburst Strawberry Slammers was pretty excellent. I’d give them scores of 4 (Milky Way), 3 (3 Musketeers) and 7 (Starburst) which averages out to under 5, but we’ll round it up because they were free.

Price: Free ($1.49 for 14 oz. normally)
Found At: Promotion from company
Cheap Eats Score: 5/10