4/17/08 | Vienna Sausage
[ Currently Eating: Leftover Coffee, Iced ]
Oh boy, sorry about the delay with the postingness this week. I was too busy trying to locate the dirty nickels and dimes under the backseat of the Dodge so that I’d have enough coinage to purchase the prime real estate being offered for sale next to the Hollywood sign. I plan on setting up a competing sign that says “Cheap Eats” right next to it in order to get the word out. It’s only 22 million. My word, that’s pocket change after all the cash I saved eating ramen for dinner this year.
In other news, (the kind that’s based more on things like Reality) the actual reason I’m late is… I was planning on reviewing this little can of Armour Vienna Sausage that I got this week at the Dollar Store. Yes, yes - I know everyone’s shopping at these 99 Cent stores now that there’s a recession. But I got distracted by the prospect of writing a parody of Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven” wherein I substitute the “Nevermore” lines with “Dollar Store.” Thusly:
“Once upon a midnight dreary,
While I crammed, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious Cup ‘O Noodles.
Bored, while I nodded, nearly snacking,
Suddenly there came a crackling,
As of Twinkies gently unwrapping,
unwrapping at my dormroom door.
“‘Tis some dude,” I muttered,
“Wanting snacks implores, ‘Hey —
Let’s go to, the Dollar Store’”
Wow, that’s just too much effort to write stuff like that. I don’t know how Alton does it - oh that’s right, he has a gazbillion dollar budget.
Actually, that wasn’t the only reason this review is late. The real reason is that I’ve been staring with trepidation at that stolid little can of Frankenstein Franks on my desk for days now. For some reason, this time around I just didn’t have the courage to pull the tab on top. It didn’t help that somehow I picked out a can that had dents on it. Usually, I’m really careful about checking cans for dents but this one snuck through.
Finally, I got up the nerve to open the can and was greeted by the following wonderful geometrical meat-log layout:
Boy, they sure cram them in there. Not a millimeter to spare between the snausages. I was actually quite impressed they could fit 7 of the 2 inch logs in the can. I had a bit of a time getting them out without damaging them sort of had to tilt the can upside down and shake, like you do with Spam.
They were so tightly packed in there that they were stuck together a bit. This is rather nice and dramatic for taking pictures, as seen above. It’s almost like - cut fingers. Man, I needed to wipe that thought out of my head before tasting them.
I’m familiar with Vienna sausages - I always thought of them as Earthquake food. If you don’t live in California, you probably don’t know what I’m talking about. Well, it’s a good idea to keep a cache of canned food, water and a safety kit in several places in the house (and at work, and in your car) just in case The Big One™ doth strike.
The more preservatives in the food - the better. Otherwise, you’re going to have replace those cans every few years. Or not, I guess. Twinkies…
Anyhow, they’re made of chicken, beef and pork in chicken broth. I won’t begin to speculate on what parts of the three various animals are used. To me, they’re very similar to hot dogs in ingredients. However, they’ve got a “special” smell that’s hard to describe. If you’ve ever had Corned Beef Hash from a can, that’s what it smells like. Maybe also similar to Spam. My advice: Do Not Stop to Smell the Sausages. No. Proceed to mouth, pass go, and collect your $200.
The consistency is also a bit different than hot dogs. There is no “snap” whatsoever when you bite into one. It’s like a paté or something. It’s not as “fatty” as spam is. The taste is - well, interesting. I want to say it’s sort of bologna-ish. But not as good. Armour claims that they are the #1 brand of Vienna Sausage in America. All I can say is, I sure would not like to taste the #3 or #4 brand…
There is some occasional speck of “grit” you’ll notice when eating these. I was wondering if it’s ground up bone or something. I think any irregularities are more noticeable than in other meat puree products because the texture of Vienna Sausages is so fine.
To be truthful, I could only eat two of these doggies. That’s probably a good thing, since the recommended dosage is only three. And with that you get 17% of your total fat (19% of saturated fat), 14% of your cholesterol and 17% of your sodium. I ate mine at room temperature, plain. I was wondering - are there recipes for these Vienna Sausages? Is there a Vienna Sausage Cult I don’t know about? I’ve only had them plain, usually impaled on a toothpick as some sort of hors d’oeuvres. I wonder if people actually cook with them.
I don’t think they’ll be making a move into the main cupboard. For me, they’re going to remain as Earthquake Food rations. But at 50 cents for the one can, they seem like a decent buy for emergency food.
Edit: I actually fried up the remainder in a pan the next day, and I have to say they tasted a whole lot better. Still salty like heck, but if you eat it with toast or rice, it’s fine.
Price: $0.50 for 5oz can (7 sausages)
Found At: Dollar Store
Cheap Eats Score: 5/10
April 17th, 2008 at 4:18 pm
I like Vienna Sausage, but not raw. I can’t imagine eating it without doing my routine on it. Basically the routine is to pan fry it with half a teaspoon of butter til it’s barely crispy/brown. Eat it with eggs, and that’s my breakfast! I’ve tasted it raw and it tastes disgusting. =D
April 17th, 2008 at 4:29 pm
In contrast to the first comment, I’ve only ever VS raw. I kinda grew up on them alongside fried SPAM. I shied away from them once I realized a single little can was something like 55% of my DRV of fat for a day. Every once in a while I get a can of the lite ones just for nostalgia’s sake; mebbe I’ll try incorporating them into a breakfast like subby #1.
April 17th, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Hee! I’ve eaten these raw and cooked (at $0.44/can, sometimes it’s all the meat you can afford). That said, I have chopped them up to put in pasta dishes, such as macaroni and cheese. Hidden in there, the taste and smell is a bit diminished - which I think is for the good of the planet.
April 17th, 2008 at 6:39 pm
*GAG* That stuff is N-A-S-T-Y!! I never liked them EVER. My younger bro, on the other hand…loved them. He would eat them raw or buy the different flavors (bbq) but mom never cooked them for him. For Earthquake food, you should get your hands on some MREs (military food). Just Sayin’
April 17th, 2008 at 7:08 pm
Definitely do not eat them “raw” (they’re fully cooked). Do brown them or throw them in the rice cooker when the cooker button “pops” and is just steaming off.
April 17th, 2008 at 7:14 pm
the crazy thing about these is when you eat them, you will taste them when you belch as much as three or four days later. We used to eat them when we were kids and that was always the running joke - belching vienna sausages a week later.
April 17th, 2008 at 7:45 pm
Brings back memories. I used to put 2 or 3 vienna sausages on a slice of white bread and mash it down with a fork, spreading it across the bread. Then top with another piece of bread.
Definitely cheap eats if you share a can with someone. And not a bad way to enjoy these freaky little sausages.
April 17th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
JM, THOR - I think I’m going to try frying them up tomorrow morning. If they’re anything like fried Spam that’ll be great.
Grey - I heard some people put chunks of spam in mac n cheese, so that would probably be similar. 44 cents a can is pretty good…
Ashley - someone told me about MREs once, I’ve been meaning to look at it. Where do you get them, at a specialty store?
kftgr - Does it give the rice a nice flavor? I was wondering if you could also do that with spam.
Leigh Ann - oh yes, I noticed the taste following me around - and I only ate two of them.
skibs - I forgot to mention that the smell is sorta like Deviled Ham which we also used to put on bread. I thought about smashing them up onto bread too: well, maybe I will since there’s 5 of them left!
April 17th, 2008 at 10:55 pm
when I was younger I could ingest the bbq or HOT flavored ones, they are swimming in some red sauce. and arent….terrible. well they are but better than plain ones.
my father still eats the regular ones, or used to. I’m not sure if he does lately.
April 18th, 2008 at 11:09 am
When I was little, I would have them slice in half, on top of a slice of cheese on a club cracker. I totally remember it being one of my favorite snacks, and occasionally I peel the skin off before I ate it.
I remember liking potted meat as well, but I was a bit uncouth and would use my finger to eat it.
I see the potted meat and vienna sausages in stores, and part of me wants to buy them, as I remember them being awesome and tasty, and the other part of me says “that stuff isn’t at all good for you, and you know you don’t know quite what’s in it, and blahblahblah and what will everyone else think????”, and so I never buy it. Oh well.
April 18th, 2008 at 2:05 pm
Cheap Eater, if you do, let us know in a follow-up (comment or post) please.
April 18th, 2008 at 7:16 pm
-Shudder- I think I’ll keep on skipping these when I stock my tornado box (I can handle death from the sky, but all that ground moving is just unnatural!).
To me these are a remider of my dad. Happiest I have ever seen him was one weekend not too long ago when my mother was out of town. He sat on the porch in his ripped up jeans, a faded flannel shirt, and guzzled down a few bottles of sourkraut juice and and wolfed down for cans of the VS.
Mom prepares meals now when she leaves…. and has the neighbors check to make sure he isn’t going grocery shopping while she is gone!
April 18th, 2008 at 9:02 pm
Reminds me the little cans of potted meat from the movie Slingblade. Remember, they say there’s chicken peckers in there or something. Oh, you can remove the salt, supposedly, by boiling them in water along with a potato.
April 20th, 2008 at 3:35 am
I have a can of Vienna sausage in the pantry as a hurricane supply, but haven’t had the courage to actually eat it despite several hurricanes and power outages of up to nine days.
Better options are tinned tuna in water, corned beef, sardines, Alaskan wild-caught salmon, mackerel and my dollar store carries a very decent 1 pound canned ham for $2. All of these are quite economical.
All canned chicken I have ever tried is beyond dry to be virtually inedible, however, in an emergency it would provide protein.
I love the flavor of corned beef hash when chilled, sliced into patties and fried, but the splatter mess in your kitchen is so bad I bought an expensive stainless steel splatter screen specifically for this purpose, and it is a pain to clean, but not as bad as cleaning the entire stove, hood and walls around it. We don’t have crispy fried corned beef hash often, but it’s lovely when I’m in the mood to contend with it.
During hurricane power outages, we cook on the deck on the Coleman stove, so corned beef hash features more often, but I still use the splatter screen to keep down third degree burns!
You’ll need to keep a stock of batteries for flashlights and radios, propane for the stove and lantern if you have it. An extra propane tank for your gas grill is a good idea. Paper plates and utensils, paper towels, napkins, candles, and firearms and ammo. If the bottom really falls out, our government has shown us during the Katrina disaster we are on our own.
April 20th, 2008 at 6:48 pm
back when i was just a kiddo i liked to pop open a can rinse the VS, split them in half, top a saltine cracker and watch after-school special all whilst trying to ignore that i was eating gelatinous bits of pork beef and chicken on salted crackers.
April 21st, 2008 at 9:28 am
Okay, I ate these all the time growing up. First you got to rinse the things off before you eat them, then stick them on a saltine and munch. And yes, occasionally I still eat them now. They are great, and with these gas prices it is about all I can afford…..
April 21st, 2008 at 12:36 pm
You are a brave brave soul! I’m a pretty picky eater and don’t ever see myself eating a Vienna Sausage or spam for that matter. Well, maybe if I was on Fear Factor, I might have to take the sausage plunge.
April 21st, 2008 at 10:21 pm
hehe, nothing to do with the sausages, but growing up, my grandma had the same plates as shown in the photo!
April 22nd, 2008 at 7:42 am
rose - There are spicy ones? I may have to check those out…
jess - I’ve eyed the potted meat too, I think the name itself would make for some great jokes and whatnot if I did review it.
thor - I did fry them, and they were much, much better! Still gives you the vienna sausage burps though. =)
karen - I have to agree w/ you about canned chicken, I just wasn’t a fan of it. I’ll have to look into the $2 1lb ham.
mintwrecker - yes the gelatin coating the sausages is a bit unappealing. I guess another good reason to fry them up.
talkysmurf - I would like to invent a car powered on vienna sausage…
elicia - spam is actually quite delicioussss
j - you’d be surprised how often ppl say that! We like taking pics on vintage plates, most of it is second hand from the thrift store - which i guess is also keeping in the cheap eats tradition!
April 25th, 2008 at 7:38 am
as a kid, these were always stored at our friend’s riverhouse, so it’s nostalgic for me to have them in pancakes! her grandmother used to make pancakes & put sliced discs of vienna sausages in the shape of a smiley face. with maple syrup, it’s pretty tasty, especially if the sausages get a little crisped in the pan.
April 26th, 2008 at 10:50 am
I ate this very frequently when I was young - and even in the university cafeteria. They cut them in little pieces, stewed them with spices, garlic, chicken stock and mixed them with rice (forming yellow rice/sausage) and served them with beans. Actually this was one of the better school cafeteria dishes - and I still eat this today as cheap at-work dish
April 26th, 2008 at 4:14 pm
I agree. They are cheap. I have seen them on sale…three cans for 99 cents. Where else can you buy a can of meat for less than a postage stamp? They are great in omelletes. Yummy.
April 27th, 2008 at 2:46 pm
The thing that made me laugh was the “geometrical meat-log layout”. You have guts. Formed meat pate freaks me out!
April 28th, 2008 at 10:40 am
I must admit, I eat them straight from the can. I love them. I’s pretty sad.
I’ve never actually coked them.
May 10th, 2008 at 8:07 am
you could combine these with your getto mcmuffins! cut them up and cook them up like your hotdogs you use and they wouldn’t be half-bad i don’t think.