2/10/09 | Wild Animal Crunch
[ Currently Eating: Pea Soup ]
To say that I was severely disappointed with Wild Animal Crunch is an understatement of almost elephantine and Brobdingnagian proportions.
Oh, you like those fun words? Here are some more: mammoth, humongous, colossal, epic, ginormous, earth-shattering disappointment.
Look at the cute polar bear family. Woo – cubbies! They can haz mye heart. Hey and it’s brought to you by Animal Planet. Can’t go wrong there.
Plus the box sez: “NEW!” I am the wide-eyed sucker that advertising execs are targeting. NEW! How can you beat that. Must buy.
It also says this is a “Collector’s Polar Package”. Because there are a ton of people who collect nothing but cereal boxes. You haven’t heard? It’s the latest craze.
Yes, I fell for this hook, line and polar bear. I paid $1.50 for a cardboard picture of polar bears, a walrus, emperor penguins and seals (those are actually on the back of the box). Oh, I forgot – there was cereal in the box too. Kind of surprising – I thought they might have just filled it up with rocks or something and called it a day.
Actually, the cereal does look a little bit like rocks. This is supposed to be “naturally and artificially flavored vanilla-chocolate whole grain cereal”, with an emphasis on the “artificially flavored”. I think they were trying to make the shapes look like certain “wild animals”, but I couldn’t really make out what they were. A few were vaguely bear-shaped.
Hm… I changed my mind. These don’t look like rocks. They look like diseased polar bear molars without the roots. Yum. Hey, Polar Molars also rhymes! NEET-o.
The cereal tasted like chocolate flavored crispy weeds and sawdust, but I suppose that’s because it’s a whole grain cereal. I have to give them a little bit of credit – at least they’re trying to make it healthy. Although, the sugar content is enough to make my nose bleed. I don’t eat a lot of cereal, though, so it’s difficult to tell just how sweet this is.
In conclusion, this review sucked. Uh, I mean, this cereal sucked. A Freudian slip there. Sorry, I’ve been having writer’s block lately and can’t think of what to say about a cereal that looks like a Martian Polar Bear’s butt spatterings. But I think the flavor of this would improve slightly if eaten with milk.
Man, I need to stop buying all this crap at the dollar store.
Price: $1.50
Found At: Dollar Store
Cheap Eats Score: 2/10
February 10th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
the photo of the “animal” shaped cereal is like a horrible, horrible game of I-Spy.
February 10th, 2009 at 4:08 pm
How can a cereal recommended by such cute animals be so bad? Actually, the name makes it sound like the cereal is made out of wild animals, which probably explains its ending up in a dollar store.
February 10th, 2009 at 4:17 pm
@kara – hahaha, that is great!
@orchid – yes, I could totally see how someone like me might think it had fried polar bear chicharrones or seal blubber nuggets included inside… I almost think that Kellogg’s is making these cereals just so silly review blogs can review them =)
February 11th, 2009 at 3:54 am
The coloring of the cereal almost reminds me of Cookie Crisp. But you’re right, it doesn’t look like wild animals at all. Maybe they are going the route of, “If wild animals were to eat cereal, what shape would they prefer? Kibble shape!” ? Because it sort of does look like dog kibble.
February 11th, 2009 at 9:35 am
@andrea – Haha, it always comes back to Kibbles! It actually did remind me of Cookie Crisp, though I haven’t eaten that cereal in ages.
February 11th, 2009 at 2:47 pm
Your critiques are wonderful. You should be a poet or is that poetess ?