[ Currently Eating: Genetically Modified Market Produce ]
Dear Burger King,
I did not make the rules. But you lost in our latest poll of Worst Fast Food Commercials. You were caught like a deer in the headlights, hmm… funny that the screengrab I made above is actually from one of your commercials. Almost too perfect.
And so on, sincerely, Me.
This actually did come as a bit of a surprise. Oh, I have no love for the hoity-toity bank robber bandit masquerading as Burger King’s mascot. But there are worse fast food commercials.
Like Carl’s Jr.
When I think of Carl’s Jr. commercials, an bitter bile of unhappy Happy Star meals from the 80s crawls back up my throat. Ugh. How far they have fallen off my pedestal of Great Childhood Memories. I could go on for a long time about how bad my impression of CJs has become because of the commercials. I find them to be confusing, misogynistic, boring, misleading, racially insulting, idiotic and stupid – pandering only to the absolute lowest common denominator life form on the planet.
[Editor's Important Aside: Hello. By reading the above statement, i.e. training your eyeballs thusly on the above sentence, you are agreeing that in fact that this website is merely poking fun, or fun-like sharp spears, at certain food companies, and you waive your rights under the Fast Food Constitution to do anything about it, or make use of useless law degrees, or butter your toast with a spoon, or pet any resulting iguanas. You agree that I've been declared legally insane, blind, deaf and balding. Thank you, and thanks for having a sense of humor (although, it would be nice if you could put that into your commercials).]
But let’s return (reluctantly) to Burger King. The results came in at BK 37%, McD 29%, CJs 21% and JITB 13% out of 1208 votes. I only really agree with the results of Jack In The Box. Some might think, what difference is there between a guy who puts on a fake king head, and a guy who puts on a fake antenna ball? It seems to me that Jack is sorta cool and Mostly Harmless, while the King is a creepy, mute, mentally challenged, booger, I mean burger, monster.
[Editor's Important Aside: BK, please refer to the above aside, thank you.]
The Jack in the Box commercials really grew on me. And since I am one of the few people who actually enjoy their meat paste tacos, I don’t feel the need to complain too much. Except that their new logo sorta sucks, especially when I try to say “Jack In the Balpha” and people look at me like, What?
I seriously thought that Burger King would’ve been voted as the 2nd best after JITB. I thought that McDonald’s might’ve been about tied with Burger King, but maybe slightly worse. I didn’t expect that many folks to hate the McD commercials – to me, they seem sort of innocuous. What is it that people don’t like in their commercials – the crappy sappy jingles? Or the creepy clown?
I think I’ve identified the major problem with CJs commercials. I watch a lot of hockey, and for some reason (their target audience, of course) they find it amusing to play the same, stupid commercial after every break. In the course of a game, I might see the same CJs commercial 25 times. It’s super annoying, made more so by the fact that the commercials are so horrible in all respects.
Incidentally, if I see the stupid Panda Express commercial one more time, I’m going to barf. I also hate commercials that have any sort of phone ringing, alarm clock, dog barking, or any loud noise that is expressly meant to make you look up from whatever you’re doing while the commercials are on.
(Incidentally Part 2, why is there no “Volume Jump” on TVs? I don’t want to mute the commercial because then I won’t know when the program is back. I want to lower the volume by an exact amount each and every time a commercial comes on instead of having to hold the volume button down. Oh, it makes me madder than a mad hatter…)
I suspect this is the whole point of commercials. Play them enough times so that they’ll burrow into our grey matter. But have they done enough market testing on this? Do other people NOT get annoyed by seeing the same bad commercial 25 times during one program. I’m not sure marketing budgets for commercials should be focused on making a good commercial. You can get any halfwit to make a good Blair Witch type commercial for you a la YouTube.
I think fast food companies should focus more on not annoying the crap out of TV viewers by playing the same commercial over and over. Even a guy who thinks guacamole is made by putting a whole avocado into a blender is going to get annoyed after awhile. Stop it, stop it, just stop it already.
I rest my case and my typing fingers.
[Editor's Note: I've been guilty of leaving a poll up for months and months to inflate the numbers. But anyway, there is a new poll up at the top of page. I have no idea what it means, but please answer it.]
[Editor's Note 2: I almost forgot - I somehow made it to FIVE years of posting on this blog. Happy 5 year blogiversary to me.]