Cheap Eats at Bloglander


[ Currently Eating: Rad Potato Salad ]

Here is a confession.

I sometimes enjoy goopy, gloppy sauce on food. We’re talking fake Chinese food gravy (yes, it IS fake Mr. Hakujin), Cheeze wizgoop, and even the slimy, slurmy goodness of okra and natto.

I have had people tell me they don’t like goopy food because it reminds them of… of, er, uh, you know.

My comeback (pun most definitely intended) is, how do you know what “er, uh, you know” tastes like?

LOL. Here’s to egg on your face. And other stuff.

So, to change beers, I mean gears – I’ve been experimenting with homemade teriyaki sauce lately. That’s the gloopy goopy, soy sauce, sugar and cornstarch sauce that they dump on forlorn brined chicken breasts at your local fake Asian restaurant. Choppity chop suey!

I’ve had it in restaurants where it’s almost like a paste, a shoe-sucking gloopy mess, and I’ve had it where it’s so runny that it runs off the plate like Runny Poo. HEE! Poo, poo, poo, runny poo. Since no one’s listening, what a relief it is to be able to write anything without consequences. POO! Poo birds that go poo-tweet, just like Kurt Vonnegut wrote! Bridge over Troubled Waters of Poo, sung by Simon and Garfunkelpoo. Ancient mummified Poo, discovered by a Poo archaeologist. Friendly Furby poo, rare and about to become valuable on Ebay! Lady Gaga’s poo extruded in a spiral and…

[Editor's Note: Sorry, advertisers, I've never been so embarassed... I will get right on chastising my other multiple personality that keeps pooping up, er, popping up.]

Yes, this is Cheap Eats. Read it. Then weep. Hello again, by the way, all you Cheap Eats cheerleaders and naysayers. Hello! I realize that for a little while, or perhaps indefinitely, I’ll pretty much be blogging to no one. That’s OK. Just – if you feel the need to make a truly negative comment like the person(s) who said they won’t be coming back here again because the blog has deteriorated, then please don’t. I won’t approve the comment. And I’ll be sending you mucho bad vibes through the airwave antenna on my head.

I have installed a mean ass airwave antenna booster megacrazything on my head, likely stronger than the one that JPL uses, if JPL was a middle aged bald asian Cheap Eats blogger.

Qzap! You get the picture. And so on.

Back to Teriyaki Sauce, I think I prefer the consistency somewhere in between solidmess and runnypoo, but I can’t decide. In any case – I haven’t had much luck with the storebought varieties. And since this is Cheap Eats, we should probably be making our own.

Here is the start of a 3 Dollars and under recipe:

Homemade Teriyaki Sauce

1/4 cup soy sauce — $0.25
1 cup, plus 1/4 cup water — uh, free?
3 slices ginger, smashed — $0.10
4 cloves garlic, smashed — $0.10
4 tbsp brown sugar — $0.15
1 tbsp honey — $0.25
1 tbsp corn starch — $0.05

Total: $0.90

You get a pot. You fill it up with the soy sauce, brown sugar, honey, garlic, ginger and 1 cup of the water. Then you start heating the crazy thing up on low to medium heat, stir it, stir it godamn it, stir it!

Before it comes to boil, take 1 tbsp corn starch and 1/4 cup water and smash-mix the thing in a dish together. You want a corn-starch slurry, it should be free of lumps. You can use your finger to mix it, preferrably not the one you use to pick your nose or dig your earwax out.

Now slowly stir in the cornstarch mixture into the teriyaki sauce. Turn the heat down to “barely on”. It should thicken up right away. Keep stirring it, damnit, STIR it as if your life depended on it!

Just kidding, you don’t need to stir it like that. Anyhow, you can pick out the garlic and ginger now, or strain it if you want. If it’s too thick for your liking, add water.

Pour the gloopiness on appropriate meats or vegetables. There you go, have a “day”!

So far, this teri-sauce mixture seems to taste pretty good. Once in awhile, I chuck in some sesame oil to the mixture, maybe about 1/2 tsp or so.

I like to put it on chicken, but you could probably use it for beef, fish or other things. Just cook the main item fully, and then toward the end you sorta baste it with the sauce, and pour a little more on before serving.

I’d be curious if anyone has opinions on making your own teriyaki sauce. I’m sure your recipe is better than mine. I haven’t really perfected it yet, but so far it seems to taste better than any of the bottled types. I definitely think it’ll come out cheaper in the end to make your own – you can also substitute normal white sugar for the brown sugar or honey, though I’ve never tried it. I’ve seen a lot of recipes that also sub out the ginger for powdered ginger. That’ll probably make it even cheaper.

All right folks, see you in a bit – sorry for all the poo jokes, but you do know that it comes with the territory, right? If you don’t like it, then please LEAVE and don’t leave a comment. As far as I’m concerned, you can fly far, far away, to the land of grumbly poo bears who grumble by leaving grumbly comments on blogs because they’re too lazy to start their own blog. And so on…

5 Responses to “Homemade Teriyaki Sauce”

PLEASE DO NOT SUBMIT YOUR COMMENT MULTIPLE TIMES!!!!!!!! (All comments are moderated. So if you don't see your comment appear right away, don't resubmit it multiple times.)
  1. Tim Says:

    I think I speak for a lot of people when I say that this is a great blog, and it’s nice to see a new one in the RSS reader every once in a while. Keep it up.

  2. Noodlze Says:

    Hod damn that sounds good and I’m not even particuarly fond of teriyaki. I’ve never made it personally though, I have seen the chef at my local favorite sushi bar use saki in his recipe. But then again I’m normally drunk before my food even gets to me there so don’t mind me.

    Thats said I’m shocked and appalled by the use of the language young man! I’m mean really, poo on the national airwaves where youngsters can read, what do you think this is the National Geographic?

  3. mrpeepants Says:

    will try this. and i gotta say with my free time going down the wayside, this is one of the few blogs that gets happily read in my rss feeds.

  4. Zachary Jacob Zblewski Says:

    I won’t be coming back here again because the blog has deteriorated.

    Okay, I’m kidding. I have your site bookmarked and check it several times per week. It’s nice to see something new. I’ll be trying out your recipe later this week. Keep up the good work!

    ps: If you’re looking for any writers, hit me up!

  5. rgbiii Says:

    Love the blog!
    I kinda discovered homemade teriyaki sauce by accident, as I had some salmon but nothing to glaze it with. I don’t actually have a recipe (just mix soy sauces, honey, ginger, and lime juice to taste and heat to desired conistency), but fresh lime juice is a must have.




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