I must have some sort of terrible, ingrained barf-wish when it comes to Cheap Eats from a can.

For the past couple years, against my better judgement, I’ve been eyeing all of the Chef Boyardee products whenever I see them on sale at the supermarket. Never you mind that my earlier experiences with these canned acts of violenzz toward my stomach have been altogether diarrhetic. Something just draws me to the poofy white be-hatted smiling Italian grandpa on the label.

I don’t have a clue what it is in the cans that affects me. Whenever I’ve tried Spaghetti-Os, Ravioli, or other canned pasta creations by father figure Boyardee I’ve had some very bad reactions. Downtime usually ranges from 1-3 days of out-of-commission toilet duty. It’s always put me off for a few years until like the proverbial moth drawn toward the bug zapper, I’ve again flown back toward these canned nuclear pasta bombs of disaster.

So, it had been way too long – maybe 5 years already. I was due. It was on sale, so these 99% Fat Free Chef Boyardee Beef Ravioli landed in my shopping cart with a thud. A buck to load up my stomach with Russian Roulette. Heavenly.

Earlier, there was some sort of special on Food Network (must have been Unwrapped) where they profiled Chef Boyardee products. I have to confess that seeing that show is probably what caused me to give it another try. Especially when the host (Mark whateverhisnameis) absolutely GUSHED at how delicious that sauce was which was one of its major selling factors back in the day. I don’t doubt it was amazing originally, but it’s gotta be a far cry from the canned product of today.

I ended up picking up the Beef Ravioli instead of Spaghettios at Albertson’s. 99% Fat free as well – for you health conscious readers. I probably shoulda checked Big Lots or the Dollar Store for something cheaper.

My favorite thing about the can is how big the “Look! – Easy Open Top” arrow was. As if an easy open can was compensation for the culinary malaise to come. If you detect a negative attitude here, well, I really wanted to hate Chef Boyardee because of what it’s done to my insides in the past.

Continue reading “Chef Boyardee Ravioli” …

Oh boy, sorry about the delay with the postingness this week. I was too busy trying to locate the dirty nickels and dimes under the backseat of the Dodge so that I’d have enough coinage to purchase the prime real estate being offered for sale next to the Hollywood sign. I plan on setting up a competing sign that says “Cheap Eats” right next to it in order to get the word out. It’s only 22 million. My word, that’s pocket change after all the cash I saved eating ramen for dinner this year.

In other news, (the kind that’s based more on things like Reality) the actual reason I’m late is… I was planning on reviewing this little can of Armour Vienna Sausage that I got this week at the Dollar Store. Yes, yes – I know everyone’s shopping at these 99 Cent stores now that there’s a recession. But I got distracted by the prospect of writing a parody of Edgar Allen Poe’s “The Raven” wherein I substitute the “Nevermore” lines with “Dollar Store.” Thusly:

“Once upon a midnight dreary,
While I crammed, weak and weary,
Over many a quaint and curious Cup ‘O Noodles.
Bored, while I nodded, nearly snacking,
Suddenly there came a crackling,
As of Twinkies gently unwrapping,
unwrapping at my dormroom door.
“‘Tis some dude,” I muttered,
“Wanting snacks implores, ‘Hey —
Let’s go to, the Dollar Store’”

Wow, that’s just too much effort to write stuff like that. I don’t know how Alton does it – oh that’s right, he has a gazbillion dollar budget.

Actually, that wasn’t the only reason this review is late. The real reason is that I’ve been staring with trepidation at that stolid little can of Frankenstein Franks on my desk for days now. For some reason, this time around I just didn’t have the courage to pull the tab on top. It didn’t help that somehow I picked out a can that had dents on it. Usually, I’m really careful about checking cans for dents but this one snuck through.

Finally, I got up the nerve to open the can and was greeted by the following wonderful geometrical meat-log layout:

Boy, they sure cram them in there. Not a millimeter to spare between the snausages. I was actually quite impressed they could fit 7 of the 2 inch logs in the can. I had a bit of a time getting them out without damaging them sort of had to tilt the can upside down and shake, like you do with Spam.

They were so tightly packed in there that they were stuck together a bit. This is rather nice and dramatic for taking pictures, as seen above. It’s almost like – cut fingers. Man, I needed to wipe that thought out of my head before tasting them.

I’m familiar with Vienna sausages – I always thought of them as Earthquake food. If you don’t live in California, you probably don’t know what I’m talking about. Well, it’s a good idea to keep a cache of canned food, water and a safety kit in several places in the house (and at work, and in your car) just in case The Big One™ doth strike.

The more preservatives in the food – the better. Otherwise, you’re going to have replace those cans every few years. Or not, I guess. Twinkies…

Anyhow, they’re made of chicken, beef and pork in chicken broth. I won’t begin to speculate on what parts of the three various animals are used. To me, they’re very similar to hot dogs in ingredients. However, they’ve got a “special” smell that’s hard to describe. If you’ve ever had Corned Beef Hash from a can, that’s what it smells like. Maybe also similar to Spam. My advice: Do Not Stop to Smell the Sausages. No. Proceed to mouth, pass go, and collect your $200.

The consistency is also a bit different than hot dogs. There is no “snap” whatsoever when you bite into one. It’s like a paté or something. It’s not as “fatty” as spam is. The taste is – well, interesting. I want to say it’s sort of bologna-ish. But not as good. Armour claims that they are the #1 brand of Vienna Sausage in America. All I can say is, I sure would not like to taste the #3 or #4 brand…

There is some occasional speck of “grit” you’ll notice when eating these. I was wondering if it’s ground up bone or something. I think any irregularities are more noticeable than in other meat puree products because the texture of Vienna Sausages is so fine.

To be truthful, I could only eat two of these doggies. That’s probably a good thing, since the recommended dosage is only three. And with that you get 17% of your total fat (19% of saturated fat), 14% of your cholesterol and 17% of your sodium. I ate mine at room temperature, plain. I was wondering – are there recipes for these Vienna Sausages? Is there a Vienna Sausage Cult I don’t know about? I’ve only had them plain, usually impaled on a toothpick as some sort of hors d’oeuvres. I wonder if people actually cook with them.

I don’t think they’ll be making a move into the main cupboard. For me, they’re going to remain as Earthquake Food rations. But at 50 cents for the one can, they seem like a decent buy for emergency food.

Edit: I actually fried up the remainder in a pan the next day, and I have to say they tasted a whole lot better. Still salty like heck, but if you eat it with toast or rice, it’s fine.

Price: $0.50 for 5oz can (7 sausages)
Found At: Dollar Store
Cheap Eats Score: 5/10

Awhile ago, a friend of my wife’s had given her this can of Glory Foods Seasoned New Orleans Style Red Beans And Rice, so I decided to get it into the review queue. I have to say that I’ve never heard of this brand before so I just assumed it was another forsaken waif relegated to the shelves of the dollar store. According to the friend, however, it’s a standard item you can get at any grocery store.

I’m also not sure if this isn’t going to turn into one of those reviews like the one on my namesake Bryan’s Tamales where my regional culinary ignorance is once again put on display. Seriously, I had no idea about the MS Delta Tamale Trail until I saw it on Food Network. So people DO eat those tiny wax paper wrapped tamale things on a regular basis…

This 15 oz can of Red Beans and Rice says “New Orleans Style” on the front. Although I’ve been to New Orleans earlier for a few days, I’ve never had red beans and rice at a restaurant over there. So I have no idea if this is a popular regional thing or not – but I’m assuming it is. Hopping onto their website, I saw that Glory Foods makes a ton of different types of canned, frozen and fresh food. In particular, they do a ton of different types of southern style canned beans, peas and veggies which somewhat reassured me this might be a halfway decent brand of Cheap Eats.

Anyhow, I dumped the can of rice and beans into a pot and settled in to wait for it to boil up. My first impression of the mix is that it is actually had much more liquid than I thought it was going to have. I had pictured it being drier but it actually looked sort of like bean soup with rice. It was very viscuous as well – in a way the consistency of the sauce reminded me of when you dump a can of kidney beans out and there’s all that red-brown liquid left over. Reading the label, I saw that a main ingredient was red bean flour so perhaps that’s where it’s coming from.

The red beans and rice warmed up quickly, about the same time it takes for a similar sized can of chili. I dumped it into a dish and took up a spoon.

Continue reading “Glory Red Beans And Rice” …

Hey friends. Happy Belated Father’s Day to all the dad’s out there. And what better way to commemorate that day with a post about … sardines?

Yep. I’ll have to do a bit of explaining what sardines have to do with Father’s Day, at least for me. But first… hello! I haven’t posted in awhile after taking a “vacation.” I’d like to explain a little bit about why I took that vacation. No, Cheap Eats is NOT being bought out by Yahoo. For the past 2 years or so, I’ve suffered from a right shoulder and back ailment that’s most likely due to overzealous mousing. I finally decided to have it looked at by an orthopedic doctor and his conclusion was yes, Houston we do have a problem. He prescribed some anti-inflammatory and relaxant medicine, recommended a change in what side I sleep on, and generally said to ease up on the computerizing.

It has been mucho tough to try and not use the computer (I average 8-12 hours a day usage), but I’ve tried. Besides actually going outdoors into the sunshine, part of the strategy is to prioritize the usage. And Cheap Eats being a blog… well, it’s not exactly high on the list of necessary items. So, because I’m still trying to work on healing (otherwise, I’ll have to try physical therapy), the schedule for Cheap Eats is going to have to remain “every so often” instead of every week. I don’t expect everyone to throw their hands up in despair, but I know there are a few people who read the blog regularly – and I just wanted you to know that if you don’t see an update for a few weeks, that’s the reason why.

Ok, personal problems aside. Let’s get back to sardines. Here’s how the story goes. Apparently, when my dad was in college at the University of Washington, like many college kids he wasn’t exactly rolling in the dough. So, to make ends meet he’d skimp on the food side. A true Cheap Eater back in the day. This was back in the early 60s, when there weren’t so many fast food joints to choose from.

So anyway, one of the things he used to do was get a tin of sardines and heat that up and just eat that with some rice and maybe some veggies. A pitiful repast – I think I got that phrase from The Dharma Bums (the little bum in the railway car), but I’m not sure.

The thing is, dad really LIKED the meals of sardines and rice. (I think maybe this may have something to do with him being from a certain little rock in the middle of the ocean, often referred to in The Impulsive Buy.) So in honor of dad, I decided to crack open a can of sardines from the Dollar Store. Oh yes, certainly flirting with danger.

The first thing you are probably going to say is OMG, Nast! It does look a bit pitiful, but that’s only because I wasn’t succesfuly in scooping the lil’ fishies out of their tin without scraping off a lot of the skin which is very thin. Oh, another helpful note: Do NOT run in the kitchen with an open tin full of sardines and juice – unless you want a very fishy floor!

Continue reading “Deep Cove Sardines” …

ADDED: 7/29/07 – It’s come to my attention that some products with the “Bryan” name are being recalled. I never heard anything about it until a few days ago, and don’t have any information about it, but here is the link to the FDA site. Bryan’s Tamales do not seem to be on the list, but their Chili is.

All right, I have to admit that I’m one of those narcissistic people who can’t resist the allure of seeing their name on products. Remember those “mini license plates” that they sell at airports and other places? Yes, I bought one. I get a special thrill whenever I also pass by a dry cleaners called Bryan’s Cleaners. Yep, guilty. And lame.

But I guess if your name happens to be Carl or Sara Lee or Marie Callender it’s not going to be such a big deal. And I think part of the thrill is that the spelling of my name is maybe not as common so I don’t see it in print as often – I’ve all but accepted having friends (some who I’ve known for something like TEN YEARS) write my name with an “I”.

So I just had to pick up this can of Bryan Tamales, if only for the novelty. According to the can, I am apparently“THE FLAVOR OF THE SOUTH”. Woot.

I almost wasn’t expecting to eat the contents of this can because I figured it must be pretty awful – somewhere below the quality of Chef Boyardee, just above the quality of pet food. You get the picture.

Interestingly, the instructions on the back of the can call for placing the tamales in the oven topped with a FULL can of Bryan’s Chili (note to self: look for my chili next time I’m at Big Lots) and then topping with sour cream, onions and cheese.

Well hell… of course it’s going to taste good if you put all that on it. I think that must be Corollary 4.2.2 of the Cheap Eats Manifesto – Everything Tastes Better With Chili Or Cheese On It. No, I decided to cook them up au naturale.

Continue reading “Bryan Tamales” …

When I get around to writing that Cheap Eats Manifesto, one of the tenets is definitely going to be “Try Everything Even If You Think It Will Suck”. Here’s an example: I totally thought that this canned spaghetti sauce from Hunt’s was going to be a washout. Although I dig their canned tomatoes and tomato sauce, I didn’t think that spaghetti sauce in a can would fly.

This is a 26 ounce can of their “Classic Italian” Four Cheese Spaghetti Sauce. Checking the ingredient list, the 4 cheese in question are Romano, Parmesan, Ricotta and Mozzarella. The sauce itself isn’t extremely chunky and doesn’t contain any true added veggies (although it does contain dehydrated onions and “carrot fiber”). I was going to put a ton of stuff into the sauce to “fix” it as I normally do, but in the end I only threw in a 1/2 cup or so of sauteed onions before letting it sit on the stove.

Meanwhile, I cooked up some Barilla pasta… this is the first time I’ve used these interesting shaped “Mezza Rigatoni”. They look sort of like normal Rigatoni lopped in half. Then I just dumped the warmed sauce on top.

Continue reading “Hunt’s 4 Cheese Spaghetti Sauce” …

Ah, yes: Steak and Potatoes. This is what I’ve sometimes incorrectly assumed my friends in the Midwest eat for dinner every day. I know, nothing could be further from the truth. I know a lot of people in Southern California who are 100% meat ‘n potatoes people, while others in Oklahoma and Ohio are laughing while partaking in sushi and Indian cuisine. There’s stereotypes for ya…

But actually, more than one Cheap Eats reader has suggested trying the Campbell’s brand Chunky Steak and Potato Soup after our earlier forays into Progresso Soup. I happened to see a bunch of cans of Chunky soup on sale for a buck and a quarter so I decided to try it out. I think these cans will normally run you about $2.50 to $3.

I’ve had Chunky soup before and my complaint has always been that it’s TOO chunky and thick. It’s like a stoup (Rachel Ray terminology = stew + soup), and while that might be a good thing sometimes, when I’m having soup I want SOUP. Not stew.

It’s actually amazing how accurately I was able to make my soup picture look like the label on the can. (Side note: Need to get a good tripod. I’m starting to hate taking pictures with one hand while holding a spoon of food as still as possible in the other. Ugh.) This is a 18.8 ounce can which is more than enough for lunch for me. The pieces of potato and steak are quite large just like on the can. The soup also contains pieces of mushrooms which I thought was a rather nice and unexpected touch.

Continue reading “Chunky Steak & Potato Soup” …