Once upon a time there was a young boy who could breathe underwater. He was about to be captured by government agents when he was rescued by a round-faced, blonde, breadmaking cheerleader who was invulnerable to all forms of bodily damage. Save the breadmaker, save the world.

This is not their story.

(It is, however, a part of the most recent episode of Heroes in case you should like to watch that.)

This story, instead, is about these Baby Cheddar Pepperidge Farms Goldfish that I bought on a whim while at Tarjey. What does it have to do with Heroes? Like talent in an American Idol show - absolutely, positively, nothing.

I was actually trying to think of some “baby” jokes or cultural references to spew forth like I Love The 70s/80s slurm. But my brain was severely distracted by round-faced, blonde, breadmaking cheerleaders last night. So I didn’t get to make a whole list.

Ok, maybe just a few - Babyface. Ooh Baby I Love Your Way. Laughing Cow Mini Babybel. I’ve Got You Babe. Babe (The Pig). How is babby formed?

Oh yes, and Octopus Mom lives close to me. I should pay a visit and offer her a bag of these mini goldfish - there’s so many in a bag that each of her cephalopodic babbys could have a tentacle full.

But, as usual, I digress. I’m actually a huge fan of the standard Pepperidge fan goldfish. I haven’t really tried too many other flavors. I just know the pretzel ones make me thirsty. Yes, those pretzels were making me thirsty. 20 Magic Bonus Points if you got that reference.

I thought these babbbbby goldfish were going to be really tiny - sort of like how mini M&Ms are baby versions of their chocolatey parents. But to be honest, there wasn’t that huge of a difference in size. And since the flavor and texture is identical, I’m not sure why I would buy this instead of normal Cheddar Goldfish.

In retrospect, I should’ve bought another bag of normal sized goldfish so I could compare them side by side. It’s been awhile since I bought a bag of goldfish crackers, so I don’t even remember if the normal ones have missing faces as well.

That’s right, some of these goldfish have no eyes or mouth - just like the poor saps on Fringe who were victims of a scar tissue virus gone awry. I don’t know why they mix these together in the bag - I’m all for goldfish species equality (witness the “Colors” Goldfish that Pepperidge Farm also sells), but I was getting confused while eating these. When I’m eating a goldfish, I like to make eye contact with him. I like to let him know that yesh, Mr. Homo Sapiens Carnivorous is definitely in charge of chomping here. I don’t want him to try and hide behind a blank expression (like our former president, zing).

Ok, so I admit after eating just about a whole school of these, it did seem like you could cram more of them in your mouth than the normal variety. I wonder if you could get in the Guinness Book of World Records that way - it should be easier than cramming people into a phone booth. I would still like to see the two sizes side by side, so maybe I’ll buy a bag of both next time. I’ll just eat a few of each and give the remaining to the octuplets next time I see them.

I just read back this review, and it doesn’t make any sense. Fun.

[Editor’s Note: I know I’m probably wrong about the translation of “breadmaker”, no need to write in long emails about that…]

Price: $1.66 for 7.2 oz bag
Found At: Target
Cheap Eats Score: 5/10

“Tings are a fun snack mon, Tings are made with love, humor and nutrition in mind. Tings are cool mon.”

Sorry, just quoting this package of Robert’s American Gourmet Tings. I don’t really speak like that. Or wait, I DO.

Or rather, some of my relatives do. My late aunt used to prounounce the word “thing” as “ting”. She also used to pronounce “think” as “tink”. They don’t say “mon”, though. I think it’s a Hawaiian thing (and not a Jamaican thing) cause my dad and uncle do it as well. Who knows - I’m just a mainlander. I mean a cheaplander.

But anyway, the wife got me several packages of these Tings the other day. I tink, I mean, I think Robert’s American Gourmet got its start with salad dressings first in the mid 80s. They later moved into snacks like: Pirate’s Booty, Veggie Booty, Smart Puffs, Tings, Dude’s Chips, Chaos, made with organic ingredients, Antique Potato Chips, Soy Crisps, Awesome Party Chips, and Blue Organic Tortilla Chips.

I think I’m eventually going to have to try them all. The names are great, especially the Pirate’s Booty. But how is the product itself? Let’s just say that if there was such a thing as Naked Cheetos, Tings would be it. These are a bit more “corny” tasting than normal Cheetos but have the exact same structure and texture. I actually enjoyed not getting cheese powder all over the place.

The ingredients listed are: Corn, some kinda oil, nutritional yeast and salt. Sounds ok so far. The funniest thing (to me at least) is on the back it says “Nutritional Yeast added for enhanced nutrition“. I don’t know why this struck me as hilarious. Sort of like saying “Tomatoes added for better tomato flavor.”

I guess with snacks, probably 95% of the food is the packaging. This is just another repackaging of the enormous stocks of excess corn that the U.S. produces (sorry Iowa, I just read Omnivore’s Dilemma and I’m not feeling very good about your corn just now…)

But for crunchy corn sticks, Tings are pretty good. Not as good as say, Bugles, but infinitely better for you. And we wouldn’t have gotten them if it wasn’t for the packaging. It worked.

Still, I’m not yet ready to call myself a “Ting Head” which is the moniker that they suggest fans of Tings take on. I like the taste, but it’s too expensive for just plain corn. If it was 50 cents, I’d give it a better score.

For real, man…

Price: MSRP: $0.99-1.50 for 1 oz pkg
Found At: Various Stores
Cheap Eats Score: 5/10

Well, well, well. Time for frozen burritos again.

Truthfully, I’ve been trying to avoid buying these things and just make my own burritos. I try to keep some flour tortillas handy at all times. Cans of refried beans are usually in the pantry, and there’s always some ground beef in the fridge. Then it’s just roll up whatever produce is handy into the mix - lettuce, tomatoes, cheese, cilantro, etc.

But I have to admit there’s still times when you might want a faster snack. I picked up this Las Campanas Red Hot Burrito the other day at the market. It’s actually not a frozen burrito, it’s one of those that are sitting in the prepared food section next to the meats.

However, the shelf life seems to be rather long for a prepared burrito - it was nearly two months! Must be all the yummy preservatives in it…

This is actually a much longer burrito than the usual frozen variety. In fact, because it wasn’t frozen, I nearly broke one in half by picking it up by the end (like a lightsaber, of course). It measures about 11 inches and weighs in at 10 ounces.

Interestingly, the serving size portion is 1/2 burrito. Who eats only half a frozen burrito? I have to admit that this was at least twice the size of the normal 33 cent frozen ones. But in that case, it’s not really a nuke ‘n run type of snack you eat in the car then. It’s a two-hander you have to sit down with. So in the back of my mind I was thinking, why wouldn’t I just make this if I’m going to eat it at home anyway?

Actually, maybe the other reason they suggest 1/2 burrito per person is that it lets them halve the sodium and saturated fat in the nutrition facts on the back. Eating the ENTIRE burrito will give you 1080mg sodium (46% DV) and 9g (50% DV) saturated fat. But then, I’m not hear to talk nutrition I guess.

Continue reading “Las Campanas Burrito” …

Trips to Big Lots inevitably end badly for your friendly neighborhood Cheap Eats Editor. I usually tend to come home with tons of tins - little fishies packed in tomato sauce, strangely potted meat and smoked oysters galore. But I also cave in to other snackies that are a little “healthier” like this 4 pack of Pop Weaver Popcorn.

I’d never heard of Pop Weaver Popcorn before, even though according to their website they are “a leading national brand of microwave popcorn in the United States and is distributed to more than 90 countries worldwide.” The box actually says “more people around the world eat more Pop Weaver popcorn than any other kind.”

I guess maybe it’s more popular in other countries than the U.S. Either that, or in the microwave popcorn scheme of things, I’ve been living in a cave in Antarctica for several years. Which also isn’t too far of a stretch.

I got the standard butter version, but they have other “flavors” like Extra Butter, Light Butter, Kettle Corn and Natural. No cheese or caramel flavors. There’s 4 standard size packs in one box, so it comes out to about a quarter each. In general, I like popcorn and think it’s a great snack for Cheap Eaters - but I’m constantly seduced by the flashier and unhealthier Doritos and Cheetos products of the world. So maybe there’s something to it then when Pop Weaver says that the reason their microwave popcorn can be so cheap is that they spend a whole lot less on advertising, packaging and even ink on the bags.

The box looks rather plain - their logo is the smallest thing on the box. The largest thing on it is the words “4 Bags”. A big sticker also proclaims “NO DIACETYL FLAVORINGS” which I suppose is a good thing? I haven’t been keeping up with that stuff, but I’m guessing Diacetyl is something bad. I was wondering if it’s the same concern as with the Teflon in non-stick cookware, or something different.

Incidentally, why is it that every box of microwave popcorn seems to be associated with a friendly old geezer with glasses?

Sure, I know you can buy your own corn kernels and pop them yourself on the stove for cheaper. But I don’t know, I just like popping it in a bag in the microwave once in awhile. My brain cells and neurons, already taxed to their limit by trying to decide whether or not $2 is a good price for Low Salt Spam, are loathe to take on yet more decisions. (She can’t take much more captain!)

As for the popcorn itself, I have to say at a quarter for a bag it’s very good. I followed the directions and went by the PPS metric (number of Pops Per Second) instead of a flat cooking time. I think microwave popcorn must have one of the greatest ranges of cooking times I’ve ever seen for food. It’s 2-5 minutes. That’s a huge difference, so it’s definitely best to listen for popping. My corn timed out at about 3.5 minutes.

The popped kernels weren’t extraordinarily large, but they were about average sized for cheap microwave popcorn. They definitely weren’t the fluffy gourmet kind, or the kettle corn sized kernels. Still, they tasted pretty good. The amount of salt and “butter flavoring” was a little on the light side, which was fine by me. You can always slather on more butter later.

I was surprised that most of the kernels actually popped. There were only about 4-5 unpopped which is something I constantly have problems with in microwave popcorn. (I know some people actually like the unpopped kernels but I have a hard time eating them.) So on that front, Pop Weaver did really well.

Pricewise they were excellent - I’m not complaining at a quarter for one package. Tastewise, they were satisfactory. But chances are if you eat this, you’re probably not going to care as you sit spellbound munching away in front of the TV while watching re-runs of Quantum Leap. Oh, boy!

Price:$1 for 4 Pack Box
Found At:Big Lots
Cheap Eats Score: 7/10

In this time of Eekonomic Recession, Allowance Busting Gas Prices and Global Toasting (and Dimming) sometimes you just need to get away from it all. No, not on Southwest Airlines. This is much cheaper - just head on over to Krispy Kreme to pick up a dozen doughnuts. And forget all your troubles for a few minutes.

Apologies for the candid shots, these were actually taken in the car. One dozen original glazed morsels of deliciousness. I haven’t had Krispy Kremes in ages, probably 3 or 4 years. I guess for people eating on the cheap (and also for those looking to lose weight), this probably isn’t such a necessary item. In fact, by Cheap Eats standards it almost qualifies as a luxury item.

But actually, the purpose of this post is to remind everyone that even when the chips are down, sometimes you just have to treat yourself. I hate to sound like a sappy life coach or something (I can’t believe that actually exists as a profession), but this goes not just for food. Whether it’s eating out at a fancy shmancy restaurant or splurging on a dozen doughnuts, don’t overlook treating yourself as a huge morale booster that will help get through the Days of Ramen and Canned Spaghetti Sauce.

Back to Krispy Kreme - they are a bit more “compact” than I remember. Compared to normal doughnuts, the center holes also seem a bit large. I shouldn’t complain though, they are such a treat. Anyhow, the small size is probably good for weight watchers. I’m a bit unusual in that I have the willpower to only eat one at a time, so they’re probably going to last for a whole week. I like to put them in the toaster to get them nice and hot so they taste just like they came off the assembly line. When we picked them up, the “Hot Light” wasn’t on, so we got them cold in the box. They’re still pretty amazing that way.

I had a coupon for a free dozen, but even if you buy them, I think they go around $6-7 for a dozen original glazed. One or two dollars more for a dozen assorted.

Worse comes to worse, you can go out and spend some of your Tax Refund on doughnuts. Stimulate that economy with doughnuts, baby.

Price: Free (normally ~ $6-7 / doz.)
Found At: Coupon, sent for review
Cheap Eats Score: 7/10

I was originally going to make this review a Food Battle between Lays Sour Cream ‘n Onion Chips and these Thin & Crispy Sweet Maui Onion ChipsI found at the dollar store. I had big plans for the “battles” - they were going to become the signature review on Cheap Eats. But somehow, after having just the Pringles one, I lost interest. It’s just difficult (and contrary to the whole Cheap Eats manifesto) to keep buying similar products just to review them.

Also, like most people, I’ve been trying to cut out the unnecessary snacks. Getting a whole bag of Lays just to compare them would not be a good thing. Because I would be tempted to sit in front of the TeeVee and watch re-runs of MythBusters while eating the entire bag. Watching Adam and Jamie bust those myths is just so spellbinding that the motion of chip-to-mouth becomes dangerously automatic…

So anyhow, it’s just the one bag of potato chips up for review. I looked in vain on the packaging for another brand name besides Thin & Crispy. Nope - it’s like those generic blue and white brand items that just say “canned corn” or something. It was also difficult to find out who makes these - at the bottom corner of the bag it says “Snack Alliance Inc.” which sounds sort of sketchy. Er, I guess they’re not so proud of them?

I don’t know why they wouldn’t be proud, because these will give any brand-name thin chip a run for their money. As far as the name goes, they deliver exactly that - thin, crispy potato chips. Granted they’re laden with salt, fat, oil - but so are other brands of chips.

Like I’ve said, I’ve never run into freshness problems with dollar store items. This bag was no exception. The chips were plenty crunchy. In appearance and texture, they’re a bit “rougher” and maybe more rustic than standard Lays chips. They’re sort of a cross between Lays and maybe a lightly cooked kettle chip. None of the chips are really burnt, but you can see some of the edges have a little skin, are a little toasted and are sometimes more crumpled.

As far as taste goes, I really liked these. I believe there were three other flavors, but I’ve only tried the onion one so far. And when they say “Maui Onion” they mean standard onion powder (as far as i can tell). It’s sort of a tangy flavor combination, but I think that also comes from the sour cream or cheese solids added in. There isn’t a thick coating on the chips, I think it may actually have less than Lays does.

Overall, I was pretty pleased with my dollar bag of chips. The chips are so thin that even with this enormous looking bag, you’re only getting 6 ounces. I haven’t bought Lays in awhile, so I don’t know how their chips compare in price per weight. Buying a large econo-bag of Lays will probably be cheaper, but I’ll stick with the smaller bags unless there’s a party on the horizon.

Price: 99 cents for 6 oz. bag
Found At: Dollar Store
Cheap Eats Score: 7/10

Mm.. Crunch ‘n Munch. To make a short story longwinded, I was casting about trying to think of something to review for Earth Day. Something that would really speak to the heart of the matter about Us destroying the ozone and whatnot. I was going to be a real Green Hero by calling attention to the plight of Mother Earth.

Instead, as usual I caved to the pressure of cheap, preprocessed food bought at the Dollar Store. Truth be told, awhile back I stocked up on a number of different Cheap Eats items at the Dollar Store to review (the people who work there must think I’m insane buying all that random food). I guess Earth Day can wait another week. Not that I don’t think about the state of the environment.

So, about the Crunchity ‘n Munchity… I was going to insert a joke here about people having the “munchies” after ingesting the afterburn from certain plants, but since this is a family friendly website I decided against it.

I’ve been eating Crunch ‘n Munch, since the 70s or so. Made by ConAgra (who bought the rights from Franklin Nut Company?), this is pretty much in a similar vein to Cracker Jack and Fiddle Faddle. I’m not sure what it going on with the rhyming in all three of those names.

Cracker Jack is probably the most traditional and popular of the three, and for some reason I don’t think I’ve reviewed it yet. I’ll probably try get a hold of some if I can find it for cheap. Fiddle Faddle - I know it’s similar and I used to eat it that back in the day as well . For the life of me, I can’t remember how it was different than Crunch ‘n Munch - I think maybe it didn’t have any peanuts?

The Crunch ‘n Munch formula is basically clusters of sugar syrup coated popcorn with peanuts embedded in them. I got the “Caramel” variety which is different than the original flavor of Buttery Toffee. They also have an almond version of it.

I have to say that I was pretty pleasantly surprised with the flavor and quality. A side note: everyone thinks that stuff at the Dollar Store is “past it’s prime” and that’s how they can sell it for cheap. But so far, I haven’t had too many instances where the product was not fresh. This box of Crunch ‘n Munch tasted pretty fresh to me.

Continue reading “Crunch ‘n Munch” …